Even When. Those two little words are like an explosive. Put any situation, circumstance or scenario after them, and a great leveling happens. Even when the darkness falls, the light will overcome it. Even when the battle wages, One has done and won it. Even when you are trapped by lies, guilt, fear and shame, we have a God who can break through anything... and set you free.
LA, you were amazing. Seattle, I’m coming home to you and all your snow and all my people. And Portland? I will see you in two weeks!
Tag your Portland friends and come! @livesalted 2/23 :: $29
That tall one on the right has been gone for 11 of the last 13 days. The little one on the left broke into tears last night because he just wanted to wrestle with his daddy. I think about how many little ones will go to bed tonight not knowing the love of a safe, faithful father and my heart breaks with gratitude for this man, and also with desire to share him with as many young people possible who need to know what steadfast love looks like.
So many days, I take this man for granted; I want him to pursue me more or differently; I see the very things I appreciate most (his intentional pace) and wish he would change (speed up); I want to be more understood, more seen, more affirmed, more celebrated. But these deep longings were never meant to be met in any human. On the contrary, my earthly longings are just a shadow of a heavenly desire.
God SEES me, KNOWS me, SPEAKS to me. And when I put my full weight on Jesus who has earned my trust, whatever that tall man in red gives me becomes an overflow.
Marriage is sanctifying, and joy filled and unpredictable and work. And contrary to popular belief, marriage is fraught with loneliness if one makes their partner their functional God, even if they are hot and awesome and faithful. Marriage is not varsity. Singleness is not JV. Both statuses demand community, humility, patience, self reflection, and the experiential love of the living God. “Same same but different” as they say in Thailand.
So while I’m single mommin’ it, I am feeling grateful that I have all I need, that the community I have sewn into is loving me and filling the gaps, and that Jesus has been my ever present companion. That I can very honestly say my heart is full and growing and I don’t want for anything.
But to say I am excited to see my best friend on Sunday would be a bit of an understatement. 😊
#beating50percent
It’s a new day. We might have missed the fresh snow yesterday, but I would argue sledding today (more like luging down icy mud chutes) was way more exciting.
I love the simple fact that each morning there is fresh mercy. We get a new chance at life we really don’t deserve; how will we spend it? I have been practicing living more present since sometime in early December, and the joy that has come, the ability to throw off what typically derails me (and to apologize when I have been been derailed) comes much easier the more I remain HERE and NOW. When living in the present moment rather than trailing behind in shame or running ahead in anxiety, I have agency to change.
How do I want to live and who do I want to be in this moment? This is the question that I want to be asking constantly. In it, there is freedom.
Three of my boys made it all of 40 minutes outside today. One came in in tears. One never made it into snow gear.
And at one point I scrolled these squares to see all the fun moms in their boots and the neighborhood kids sledding and I felt a pang of comparison as my boys were all on Xbox upstairs and not making glorious family memories in the winter wonderland that is currently Seattle. And not only that but the meltdowns were hot and messy. The homemade whipped cream I made for the peppermint hot chocolate was evidently disgusting and ruined everything; the idea of going back outside was ludicrous; folding and putting away laundry was torturous and the thought of playing a board game was “boooring”. I was accosted with feelings of frustration and proceeded to “should” all over myself until I realized the trip of shame this was turning into as I ironically entertained the very voice I taught over 1000 women to identify and discard this weekend.
And so I took a deep breath and shifted mental gears; I settled in with 4 cute little men and the various screens they seemed to have grown at the end of their arms. We played hours of madden and fifa and watched Tin Tin and at some point I gave into the day. I realized my boys were having the best time together, that the screen gave great incentive to get that laundry put away, a game of banana grams spontaneously broke out, and the day ended with everyone happy and full (of melatonin) and (somewhat) grateful, and asleep by 830 as my living room welcomed a few brave souls who trekked thru ice to talk about Jesus together.
It is so hard sometimes to slough comparison, embrace chaos and just settle in right where I am, not needing to make every moment count in a way that would qualify for a magazine ad. It is dumb, but I sense I am not the only one. So here’s to beautiful scenery outside as we played every sort of screen possible inside and ate breakfast for dinner. 🥂 #whoswithme #presentoverperfect
It’s black history month. It’s also the month that hearts and everything pink appears in every shop window for us to consume. But love is rarely fuzzy and never passive. Love drives out fear, and upends systems of oppression and is demonstrated in sacrifice. Love has a name. Jesus was/is a holy disrupter. He has used scripture and friends and even these squares to wake me up to ways I can live more aware, more wholehearted, more lovingly disruptive, and more in line with the kingdom of God. We have ONE church. One blood. One hope.
If you want to proactively disrupt your feed, and invite discomfort and some new ways of seeing, here are a few of my faves. Let their words not only transform you in February, but always.
@truthstable @beabridgebuilder @uncolonial_history @wellreadblackgirl @christenacleveland @austinchanning
@saltermcneil @danielhill1336 @restorationhouse @shaunking @wearepushblack
#webecomewhatweconsume
There are so many more. Tag your favorites. Who should we be learning from?
👟 There is a little movement happening in our home on Monday nights. A whole lot of tea, dozens of shoes discarded by the sign that says “bare your soles”, usually a guitar, and for sure the presence of God. We have seen breakthrough, we have gotten uncomfortable, we have practiced listening to God and sharing what we hear. We have exchanged lies for truth and every week, new faces appear, hungry to “Come and See”. 👉🏼We never know what God might do... and feel little pressure to prepare but only to pray and ask. Yesterday, with a 3 year old up at 445, I was tired. I needed rest. And I thought, maybe I am not the only one? So we provided a space to rest. And we received rest. We sang and sat and marinated in silence. My headache lifted as a few dear friends prayed for me. I went to bed not so tired and heart alive and full of peace. 🌬 For as much as the world tells me my well being is up to me, (and no doubt I have agency in this) I am wary of being deceived into thinking life, true life, and rest, true rest, can be found anywhere but in the presence of God. And like the air we breathe, the Spirit is all around us, sustaining us, available, inviting every human on this planet to live. Think of those moments when you suddenly notice your breath, and straighten your back, and suck in a heap of oxygen, and your whole body feels refreshed!! (Do it now!) Indeed, we have the ability to be passively sustained, living in shallow breaths that barely satisfy, or we have the ability to purposely drink in the air - to actively LIVE in awareness of the very presence of God. Today, I want that kind of life.
